Buddhism and life as an artist.

I thought I would write about how Buddhist is affecting me in this work with the OCA. Or is it the other way round?

I am getting more aware of my own nature both of my work and others and so I need to get back to what Buddhism means to me and how I practise.
Meditation, watching the mind and seeing my own thoughts is familiar to me. One main practise is to offer up all of myself, my possessions, my ego and mind to the concept of Buddhahood. To be able to let go of what I consider " mine" has been part of my practise for a few years now.
This has been in the background since doing the OCA course and it is time to look at it again.

The course notes and instructions are fine in that it is about self reflection and observation. No problem with that. However, not only am I noticing the competitive side of myself but the ambition and drive to succeed is there also. Trying to do well. Looking for approval. All the stuff I have been trying to push to the background. Perhaps the way forward is to offer it up and let go!

Time to rethink why I am doing the course? I want to learn, to see and to go forward in what I do. Do I want to prove to myself that I am able or do I want to be noticed? When no one comments on my work I feel ignored but when it is praised I question the integrity of the other person. This is old stuff of mine.
When some one I admire praises me I feel really happy with it. If praise come from some one whose work I don't respect, it is a different matter.
I feel I am still trying to find where I fit. Perhaps I don't?

When it come to having something original to say, I am not sure that I have anything at all. I am an observer, no more. If I react to something I see, I look at my reaction and question myself. I have no wish to produce work that harms anyone in any way because it is like the eightfold path of Buddhism. Right speech, right thought, right action. etc. Being very aware of the consequences of what I put into the world. To show suffering or violence of any kind is only valid to me if the consequence is to alleviate it. I can't see that my work is going to alleviate any suffering just by pointing it out. The media has been pointing out what is wrong in this world for years without much being done.

What I see is the beauty and continuing life around me. That is what I want to show. Life is all I have.  The wonderment of life itself is enough. I have no ambition to be a name or be known in the art world, or so I think.  My experience of being admired and noticed is that is only lasts for a short time and then what? It is like the weather. It comes, it goes and is constantly changing.  Fame is an illusion just as failure. It all stems from the mind which is transient.

To be nobody, first you have to be somebody.
This seems so true. You cannot give up what you have never had. I have been "somebody" in the music world and have given it up easily. Do I have to be "someone" in the art world as well?

There are a lot of artists I like but very few whose work is uplifting enough to make me feel glad to be alive. Pure joy is difficult to find in art. Suffering is there in abundance!
Perhaps what I want to show is that pure joy of being alive?

Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.
After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.